


Indecision

by JadeDraggy2017



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Actualization, Delusions, Gun Violence, M/M, Major P5R Spoilers, Murder, Palace Deadline Ending, endgame spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:48:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26530885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeDraggy2017/pseuds/JadeDraggy2017
Summary: When time is up, Goro has to face the reality that he has at least one dream. And he has to let it go.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 7
Kudos: 102





	Indecision

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Deicide](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25007653) by [TwilightKnight17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightKnight17/pseuds/TwilightKnight17). 



> Hey yo, so... I know I haven't updated my Detective AU in forever. This note is not the time or place as for why, I mean you can look at my twitter if you want to know why I took a break for so long. But I've managed to find my ability to write again so...
> 
> Everyone can just direct their anger over at Li for writing this story as it is a DIRECT RESPONSE to her work. I assume no responsibility for my actions or the making of this story.
> 
> Follow me for insanity:  
> [tumblr](https://adraggynamedjade.tumblr.com/)  
> [@draggynamed](https://twitter.com/draggynamed)  
> 

  
  
  
As the clock rolled over to midnight, Goro pulled out his phone and inspected the previous messages sent.  
  
_He won’t let me down._  
  


**Feb 3/20XX**

  
**Me:** It’s getting late. How long do plan to wait before we start? **3:48 PM**  
  
**Akira:** I know. I’m just thinking. **4:02 PM**  
  
**Me:** What is there to think about? We decided last night. **4:04 PM**  
  
**Akira:** I know. **4:59 PM**  
  
**Me:** Where are you? **7:00 PM**  
  
**Akira:** I’m at home. I need to think. **7:20 PM**  
  
**Me:** You can’t be indecisive about this. If you won’t get the others together, I’ll go alone. **7:25 PM**  
  
However, Goro did not go. He did arrive in Odaiba late that evening and stood on the sidewalk outside of the palace. He’d left his usual thinking spot in Kichijoji and came to wait, to hope, that Akira would follow through with stealing the treasure and setting the world back to how it should be.  
  
_He can’t let me down._  
  
He waited, checking his phone, counting each breath, and feeling his chest constrict with growing anger and unease he couldn’t quite direct. Anger at Akira for hiding at home all day after he promised him so much. Anger at Maruki for creating this horrible world disguised with saccharine smiles and glittering haze.

_Don’t let me down.  
_  
  
**Feb 4/20XX**  
  
**Me:** Honestly, I can’t believe you’ve done this. **12:01 AM**  
  
**Me:** How could you decide to betray everything you worked toward? **12:03 AM**  
  
**Me:** Well don’t you have anything to say to me? Or are you still ‘thinking’ about it? **12:05 AM**  
  
He stared at his screen. In the corner, he could see dots coming up and lingering. Despite how nauseated he was, he couldn’t take his eyes off the screen, waiting to see what putrid response Akira would offer for an explanation.  
  
What would it be?  
  
That his life was worth saving?

_It's not.  
_  
That they all deserve happiness after all they’ve been through?

_They do, but not him._  
  
That they’re better off living in this cage of lies?  
  
_Being deluded does not bring happiness._  
  
But the response never came.  
  
A solid ten minutes of watching the dots flicker in the corner of his message window and then-  
  
Nothing.  
  
They just stopped.  
  
“So he has no answer… Or maybe he knows no answer is good enough.”

_Not even an apology._  
  
Goro squeezed the phone in his hands; his common sense was the only thing keeping him from squeezing the screen until it broke. He stuffed it into his coat pocket and looked up at the skyline over Odaiba. He could see the palace in question slowly gaining more presence. No longer flickering in and out between reality and the metaverse but becoming a permanent stain against the backdrop of the night sky.  
  
He was disgusted, to say the least.  
  
_He cares too much, about stupid things.  
_  
The world was changed for the worst. All because Akira couldn’t give him up. Maybe if he had told him sooner, they could have had more than a night to work through his fears, but he would have thought his constant desperation to save his friends was enough to motivate him to do the right thing. Even at the cost of his life.  
  
_Useless things…._  
  
_Like me._  
  
He’d done so much to save them before.  
  
_This is why it was better to be alone._

  
But not this time.  
  
_Never built up, just to be let down.  
_  
There was nothing to do but catch the last train home and wait to see what new empty platitudes the world would offer him now. Would the phantom thieves simply revert to their brainwashed happiness? Would they even remember and be as angry as he was, or would he find them a group of gaggling sappy teenagers wrapped up in their own dreams?  
  


_I’d rather die._  
  
Maybe he couldn’t understand the desire to consider this world an option because he had no dreams anymore.  
  
_I used to dream of-  
_  
Goro made his way to the station to catch the last train home. He sat down on his subway seat and looked out the window. His vacant expression looked back at him as the darkened tunnel walls rushed by. He had expected to see some margin of aggression in his stare, but it was just full of hollow disappointment. There was nowhere for his anger to go, so it settled into his chest like a knot and forced him to keep counting every breath as he wondered what would happen next.  
  
Did he even want to see Akira again?  
  
_No.  
_  
Maybe he would just pack up and leave.  
  
_Can you outrun this?_  
  
But where would he go?  
  


_…Mom’s place might be safe…  
_  
He pulled out his phone again and looked down at the last message sent.  
  
Still no answer.  
  
He probably went to sleep rather than send whatever convoluted explanation he could offer.  
  
_Cowardice.  
_  
Goro tucked his phone away again and continued to stare out the window, focusing only on his own uninterested stare until he reached his destination.  
  
Getting off the train he felt heavy. Maybe because he was struggling to keep himself breathing. Maybe because the weight of his annoyance was never going to go away. The betrayal of being trapped in this world, his inability to stop it, and his uncertainty of tomorrow made him sick.  
  
He reached his apartment building and mindlessly made his way up to his home. As he swung open the door; he didn’t bother to turn on the lights. Only stepping inside and moving off of muscle memory. Taking off his shoes, locking the door, shedding his coat, and slowly meandering to his room before sitting on the edge of his bed.  
  
Again he checked his phone.  
  
Still no answer.  
  
_Weakness.  
_  
He plugged it in for the night and settled in on top of his sheets. Goro kept the phone in his hand, half expecting to finally see an answer from Akira light up the blackened screen. He kept staring at it. He kept staring at his own disillusioned gaze as he waited.  
  
And waited.  
  
And eventually fell asleep.  
  


_Spineless._

  
_Why did I ever have hope in you?_  
  
  
  
Goro’s phone did eventually awaken him.  
  
Several buzzes late into the morning caused it to vibrate its way from his limp hand to press against his face. He woke up startled, and swat at it, expecting a bug, but was greeted with his hands smacking against the back of his phone’s case.  
  
Disoriented and awake from the sudden adrenaline rush he flipped it over, ready to see what stupid reasoning Akira had given for allowing Maruki to have his way.  
  
Instead, he was greeted with several messages in the former Phantom Thieves’ group chat of them prattling on about their plans for the day, both individual and any they might carry out as a group. Goro scrolled through, spotting Akira’s responses among his friends. As he read over the chat a scowl developed on his face, and after each of Akira’s answers, it twisted more and more.  
  


_Wretched._

  
Goro closed the group chat and went back to his direct messages with Akira.  
  
Still no response.  
  
  
**Feb 4/20XX**  
  
**Me:** So, you have time to chat away with everyone else but won’t answer me? **10:45 AM**  
  
**Akira:** OH. Sorry. I could have sworn I hit send, but I must have fallen asleep. **10:46 AM**  
  
**Me:** That’s no excuse. We need to talk about this. **10:47 AM**  
  
**Akira:** You’re right. I’ll cancel on Ryuji and we can get together. 10:49 AM **  
**  
**Me:** I’ll come to Leblanc. **10:50 AM**  
  
**Akira:** No, I think it would be better if we meet elsewhere. Boss, Futaba, and Wakaba are hanging out here today. Wakaba and Boss are talking about some remodeling for the booths. New upholstery. **10:55 AM**  
  
**Me:** Fine. Then meet me at my usual spot at noon. We can decide where to go from there. **10:58 AM**  
  
Goro didn’t wait for confirmation. He turned the phone down and took a deep breath. Meeting publicly was probably for the best. This would ensure he wouldn’t start off the conversation by punching Akira in the face. Perhaps Akira knew that too, and purposefully directed him to not come to Leblanc.  
  
  
_I will never forgive him._  
  
  
  
  
Goro watched the street anxiously as he awaited Akira’s arrival. He wasn’t sure how this was going to turn out. He still didn’t know what excuse Akira was going to give. But he already knew he was going to reject it. Even if he had to live in this world, he would reject whatever Akira had to offer him.  
  
_If only I had killed the real thing back in November._  
  
He closed his eyes and pinched at the bridge of his nose. Staring off down the street for so long was making his vision hazy.  
  
“Goro.” He opened his eyes just as Akira approached him, his hands tucked into his pockets, but walking without his usual hunch. It was cocky of him to be confident now, of all times. Or maybe he managed to walk up straight because Morgana wasn’t weighing him down in his bag.  
  
_I can’t stand to look at him.  
_  
“So you showed up for this, but not the palace?” He offered no greeting.  
  
“Ouch,” Akira slightly flinched, but still smiled at Goro. It was polite, warm, but lacked Joker’s determined snarl. “Let’s head over to the Jazz Jin to talk, okay?”  
  
_No._  
  
“Fine,” Goro nodded and proceeded to lead them to their usual spot.  
  
Normally coming here would help Goro relax, even on the evening of his attempted assassination of Akira, the music of the Jin helped him unwind and put off the horrible things his life had to offer. Unfortunately, all life had to offer him now was grace and happiness.  
  
_I felt less unwell when his life was on the line._  
  
He sat with his shoulders taunt as their drinks were set in front of them and Akira settled into his seat.  
  
“So, why did you betray me?”  
  
_Make it good._  
“…Well I figured one good betrayal deserves another?”  
  
“Akira.”  
  
_Make it count._  
  
“Okay,” Akira held up one hand. Goro paused while he reached for his drink and took a sip before slightly slouching in his seat. “I know you will call it foolish, but in the end, I couldn’t decide which was more important, you or the world.”  
  
“You’re right, that is foolish. I already told you what was more important.”  
  
_Your hesitation was my greatest mistake._  
  
“I know, you did. The world is important… But the world is not that important to me.”  
  
_Not that important? Since when-_  
  
Akira shifted in his seat and looked over at him. His eyes were cast down and his face sullen. It was the same conflicted look he gave Goro in Leblanc two nights ago.  
  
“I kept thinking about it,” Akira murmured. “I thought about it all day, going around in my head again and again. I know you wanted to stop Maruki. And- you are right. His power is…” Akira shook his head, “But you are important to me. All of us had to lose something important before, but if you asked any of us, would we choose to let it go, willingly?”  
  
“I would,” Goro hissed.  
  
_And so should you._  
  
Akira chuckled, “Well… You did always hold yourself to a higher standard than us.”  
  
_Because I’m better.  
_  
_Because you were better.  
_  
Akira pushed himself up to lean in closer to Goro. He tried to move away, but Akira reached out to grab his hand and hold it. He clasped down and locked eyes with him, and Goro became very aware of his breathing for the second time in under twenty-four hours.  
  
“It's not fair,” Akira spoke softly. “Its never been fair for us. I just want one thing, Goro. I just want you to stay here. Out of everything there is in the world to have, I want you.”  
  
_What do you know about fairness!  
_  
“I want you.”  
  
Goro pressed his lips together and turned to look away from Akira, “Will you- Let go. Someone will start staring.”  
  
Akira released Goro’s hand and shifted back into his seat and resumed drinking.  
  
Goro continued to stare off in the opposite direction. Akira wanted him? That’s all it took. It was stupid. He was an idiot. All his life he wanted to be important to someone and now that he was it was still the worst outcome for him.  
  
_This is unfair.  
_  
“…I’m going home.” Goro pushed his chair back and Akira looked up startled.  
  
_It’s always been unfair for me.  
_  
“Right now? You barely touched your drink.”  
  
“I don’t want to be here with you right now.”  
  
“You don’t?” Akira looked down at the table and then set his drink down. “Then where do you want to be?”  
  
_Anywhere but here._  
  
Goro scoffed, “I want to be alone, Akira. I don’t want to be apart of this world. I have to think about what you’ve done.”  
  
Akira started to say something, but Goro shut it out of his mind. He just wanted to get away from Akira.  
  
A betrayal deserves another.  
  
  
  
  
_But I don’t deserve this.  
_  
  
**Feb 4/20XX**  
  
  
**Akira:** Do you still want to be alone? 7:45 PM **  
**  
**Me:** Yes. 8:01 PM **  
**  
**Akira:** I would like to see you tomorrow. Can we meet up? **8:02 PM  
**  
**Me:** Fine. I’ll come to Leblanc. **9:21 PM**  
  
**Akira:** No, not Leblanc. Ann and Shiho are going to be here helping Futaba with a new hairstyle for her return to high school. Let’s meet up at the arcade. **9:22 PM**  
  
**Me:** Fine. Tomorrow we’ll meet at lunch. **9: 33PM  
**  
  
  
  
**Feb 5/20XX**  
  
Honestly, Goro didn’t really want to see Akira.  
  
_He’s hard to look at._  
  
He'd spent the rest of yesterday in Odaiba, looking up at the palace until it was time for the last train. He was still thinking about going in alone. Though arguably he knew now that it would be a monumental task to overtake Maruki.  
  
And certainly, there would be no treasure to steal this long after the calling card…  
  
He could always go back to his old methods of collapsing a palace.  
  
_So much for turning over a new leaf._  
  
That made sense to him. If Maruki was dead, his influence couldn’t hold onto the world any longer. But this wasn’t the same as killing a shadow. And Maruki surely would know he was coming.  
  
_Honestly.  
_  
_Good.  
_  
“Goro.” Akira approached him, still walking upright, assured of his presence in this godforsaken Eden. Goro turned looked at him, the winter sun reflected off the shops’ windows and blanketed the backdrop behind Akira with a haze. Making only him stand out sharply in Goro’s vision.  
  
“All right, what do you want to talk about?”  
  
“…Still no greeting?” Akira slightly slumped. “Are you ever going to forgive me?”  
  
_Not until you’re sorry._  
  
“As long as I can still see the palace towering in Odaiba, no.”  
  
Akira nodded, “Well, I am here to talk about the palace and the state of the world.”  
  
“Really?” Goro’s eyebrows raised. Perhaps Akira was feeling remorseful? Maybe it wasn’t too late to turn this around…  
  
_Don’t hold onto hope._  
  
  
“Come on, let’s talk inside.” Akira made his way into the arcade and Goro followed.  
  
Akira made his way over to the shooting game and waited for Goro to pick up his gun before paying for a round of play.  
  
“So, you finally decided?” Goro started shooting as he spoke. Out the corner of his eye, he could see Akira using both hands but aiming steadily. It was only the first level after all.  
  
“I already told you,” Akira started to miss as soon as he opened his mouth, “You’re important to me, that’s why I couldn’t choose.”  
  
  
_Traitor.  
_  
Goro became more aggressive with his shots, “This is ridiculous. What about the others? Aren’t they important?”  
  
_How can you turn your back on them?_  
  
“They’re happy. Our journey together was to bring everyone peace of mind, and this still gives them that.”  
  
_Where is your spine?_  
  
The second round started.  
  
“They’re being deluded. This isn’t peace of mind; this is a cage.”  
  
“It's only a cage because you keep insisting it is,” Akira’s score started to fall behind. “We can all live whatever life we want-”  
  
_Whatever life he wants._  
  
“What are you now? Maruki’s poster boy?” Goro sneered. “I don’t want this. I never will.”  
  
_Where is your will?  
_  
“Come on, Goro,” Akira stopped firing and lowered his gun, “What do you want?”  
  
“I want you to make this right!” Goro stopped playing and slammed his gun into the machine’s slot for it. The game continued, on the screen with both of them were losing points and life rapidly. “I want you to choose to do the right thing.”  
  
_Where is your fight?_  
  
“…Do you know what it's like?” Akira’s voice dropped, “To have to think about the ‘right thing’ when both things are right? Over and over again? If I picked the world, would I just be here arguing with myself that I should have picked you? I thought and thought about it… And now I’m here with you arguing I should have picked the world?”  
  
_This isn’t the person I died for._  
  
Goro remained silent.  
  
“Please say something…”  
  
“You picked wrong, Akira.”  
  
Akira reached out before Goro could pull away and grabbed onto his arms, “You’re important to me,” he pleaded. “Please, please listen. I want you to stay with me. That’s the only thing I know.”  
  
_You’re disgusting._  
  
Goro winced at Akira’s desperation. He clenched his jaw and turned away, “Let go of me.”  
  
“Goro, please…”  
  
_I’ll never stay here._  
  
“Akira, let go before you cause a scene.”  
  
_You’re disgusting to me._  
  
Slowly, Akira released his arms, but continued to hang his head. Goro focused his gaze at the game screen, which now flashed with ‘Game Over’. He chuckled. Was this the only way he could have someone? Through lies and manipulation? Even if their minds were clear, the rest of the world was still ensnared in a lie.  
  
“I’m leaving,” Goro stepped away from him.  
  
“Where are you going?”

_I can’t stay here.  
_  
“I don’t know, Akira,” Goro shrugged and sighed. “But I’m not going to be here with you.”  
  
  
  
  
_I won’t.  
_  
  
**Feb 5/20XX**  
  
**Akira:** I’ve been thinking. 11:00 PM **  
**  
_I don’t care.  
_  
**Me:** About going to the palace? **11:46 PM**  
  
**Akira:** No. 11:48 PM **  
**  
  
**Feb 6/20XX**  
  
**Me:** Then I don’t want to hear it. **12:02AM  
**  
**Akira:** You’re unhappy with me. **12:03 AM**  
  
_You destroyed my happiness._  
  
**Me:** This is why I’m Sherlock and you’re Watson. 12:04 AM **  
**  
**Akira:** I want to talk about what would make you happy? 12:04 AM **  
**  
**Me:** You know what would make me happy. **12:15 AM**  
  
_Go back to the way you were.  
_  
**Akira:** Can we meet tomorrow? **12:16 AM**  
  
**Akira:** I mean today? **12:20 AM**  
  
**Me:** Fine. I can swing by Leblanc. 12:32 AM **  
**  
**Akira:** No, Yusuke and Morgana are going to be painting ‘Urban Wild Life’ pieces. Let’s talk while we play a game of pool? 12:33 AM **  
**  
  
_Typical.  
_  
**Me:** Alright. Tomorrow afternoon then. **12:41 AM**  
  
**Akira:** Goodnight, Goro. **12:42 AM**  
  
  
  
Goro actually had no desire to play pool with Akira, but he still showed up at Penguin Sniper in the early afternoon.  
  
Once again he had stayed out all night to stare up at Maruki’s palace, scowling up at the world’s new ruler from the sidewalk. How he hated that man.  
  
_How I hate Akira._  
  
No matter how angry he was with Akira for his lack of decision and complacency on letting the world fall into Maruki’s hands, he hated the doctor more.  
  
So much more.  
  
To be resurrected, just for this. Just to be a pawn in his plan. Just to have his heart strummed every day by the reminder that Akira wanted him here.  
  
_And only Akira.  
_  
How he wished he’d paid more attention to Akira’s confidants outside of the thieves and Sumire back then. Maybe he would have caught on to the doctor’s research. Maybe he could have put a bullet between his shadow’s eyes before it became a persona, and granted him free reign over the metaverse?  
  
Maybe-  
  
“Goro.”  
  
_But there’s no time for ‘maybes’.  
_   
“Let’s keep today short, shall we?” He didn’t even turn to look at Akira. But Goro imagined his shoulders slumped at the curt response. He ascended the stairs without looking back, and only finally looked at Akira once they had claimed their table for their game of pool.  
  
Goro’s eyes still felt like they were adjusting from outdoor to indoor light; the fringes of his vision blurred when he turned to face Akira.  
  
“I won’t go easy on you,” Goro said taking his stick from the other teenager.  
  
“You never do,” Akira smiled.  
  
_How can you be so happy…?_  
  
He seemed pleased by his rudeness. Well, Akira had been overly welcoming since his return, no matter what words came out of his mouth.  
  
_When you’re not even you anymore?_  
  
Goro watched Akira set up the table before pausing, “Should the winner of our last game go first?”  
  
“I feel it’s only fair the looser takes first shot for an advantage.”  
  
_And I did lose, didn’t I?_  
  
Akira let out a soft huff but lined up for the first shot of the game. Goro watched silently as the balls scattered across the table. But nothing sunk in.  
  
Goro walked around the table determine where to line up a shot, “I’m claiming stripes.”  
  
Akira hummed, “Yeah, you’ve got a thing for them, so not surprised.”  
  
Goro leaned over the table as he lined up his shot, “So you wanted to talk?” He watched as the twelve ball fell into a pocket.  
  
“You’re unhappy.”  
  
_You should be too._  
  
  
“Yes, we’ve determined that.” Goro switched positions so he was across from Akira now to take his next shot.  
  
“I want you to be happy here, like everyone else.”  
  
_They’re not happy._  
  
“Impossible.” The cue ball missed.  
  
_Why are you?_  
  
Akira shook his head, “It’s not. I know you can be happy here… I know that you’re happy when you spend time with me.”  
  
“I was happy when I spent time with you.”  
  
_Never again._  
  
Akira pressed his lips together, trying to stop himself from frowning.  
  
“Take your shot, Akira.”  
  
“Fine…The two.” He leaned over the table and fired.  
  
“Nice shot.” Goro rolled his shoulders, “At least you can decide and execute on something.”  
  
_I should have executed you._  
  
“Goro.” Akira moved to the end of the table, “I told you why we didn’t go.”  
  
_I would have saved us._  
  
“You fell into Maruki’s trap. He manipulated you. Played with your heart.”  
  
_Saved me._  
  
“And what do you call this?” Akira laid his stick across the table and waited. Goro just watched him with a silent glare.  
  
_Being Honest._  
  
Eventually, Akira looked down at the table and called out for the three. Goro watched as it was struck by the cue ball and fell into a side pocket.  
  
“I’m not manipulating you,” Goro finally spoke. “I’m being honest with you.”  
  
_I hate you._

_Now more than ever._  
  
“And I’m being honest with you,” Akira came to stand next to Goro as he examined the table. “I want you.”

_No.  
_  
“I want us to be together.”  
  
_I’m so tired of hearing it._  
  
Goro tightened his hands on his pool stick, “I want to be free, Akira. That means free to do whatever I want. Even if it means to die.”  
  
Akira hesitated and turned back to the table, however his shot collided with the thirteen and it fell into a corner pocket. He stepped aside to let Goro take a shot.  
  
“You can still be free.”  
  
_Only in death._  
  
“How do you figure that?” Goro walked away from him to line up his next shot. The eleven.  
  
_I never wanted to be here.  
  
_

Then the ten.  
  
_I wanted revenge._  
  
Then the nine.  
  
_I should have died.  
_  
All while Akira stood silent, watching him.  
  
_You should have died.  
_  
“You’re quickly losing.”  
  
Akira was still silent.  
  
“When this game is done, I’m leaving, Akira. I’m going to go to the palace without you.”  
  
“Goro!” Akira was taken aback.  
  
“You want me to be happy, then I’m going to choose my own path. I’m going to go.”  
  
_I’ll free myself._  
  
Goro watched as Akira continued to tense up. “I don’t care if I succeed or not. Even if I die, it will be my choice. Just like before.” Akira lowered his head and touched his forehead like he was starting to sweat. “But this time I’m not leaving things in your hands. You’ve already ruined them.”  
  
_Ruined everything that was-_  
  
“So I’m just leaving you with your ruined world. You and your friends can enjoy your fake happiness-”  
  
“It’s not about their happiness!” Akira snapped. This time Goro fell silent as Akira stormed over to him and grabbed his arm. “I don’t care if they’re happy or not.”  
  
  
… _What?  
_  
Goro raised his eyebrows. Akira didn’t care about the others?  
  
“Why don’t you listen to me? I want you. I care that you’re unhappy. I care that you want to die. It’s you. You’re what this is all about.”  
  
_What??  
_  
“…So, their delusions? The first time you broke them out?”  
  
“Of course I was going to. You asked me to.”  
  
_What???  
_  
“And if I hadn’t?”  
  
“…I mean, I probably still would have looked into it… But if they were happy, and you were too-”  
  
_No._  
  
Goro cut him off and tilted his head to the side as he spoke, “You don’t care that they’re being lied to?”  
  
“What does it matter? You and I are aware.”  
  
_This isn’t you._  
  
“…Did you,” Goro shook his head, “No, you couldn’t have anticipated it would be set up this way…”  
  
_You didn’t change this much.  
_  
Goro looked at Akira, taking in his pained expression. The same yearning and confused look he wore when Maruki told him that Goro’s life was forfeit if they stormed the palace. It was true, he waited all his life for someone to want him. For someone to look at him the way Akira looked at him that night and now…  
  
_You didn’t change at all._  
  
Akira’s darkened face stood out in his gaze as the rest of the club hall waivered in a haze beyond his vision.  
  
“…Let go of me, Akira.”  
  
_Not Akira._  
  
“What are you going to do?”  
  
_It can’t be Akira_  
  
“….I want to leave.” Goro paused. “But not to the palace.”  
  
_When?  
_  
“What?”  
  
Goro looked down at the table and nodded. “I cannot stay here; I’ll always be drawn to it. If you want me to be happy. Then I have to leave Tokyo-”  
  
“But you- but us?”  
  
_There’s no us here.  
_  
“…You can come with me.” Goro didn’t look at him directly. Just watching Akira’s reaction out the corner of his eye.  
  
_Just me and this spineless-_  
  
Akira let go of him in surprise, “Come with you? But where? Where are you going to go?”  
  
_Imposter.  
_  
Goro thought for a moment, he had no plan. No destination, except, “First, I want to go to rehab center my mother went to once. To try and relax. To try and… accept.” He turned to Akira, “And from there, anywhere. Anywhere but here.”  
  
_You have to go first._  
  
Akira nodded, “Then I’ll go with you. When are you leaving?”  
  
“Tonight,” Goro answered immediately. “I’ll get tickets for the last train. You can spend the rest of the day with your friends.”  
  
_You have to go now._  
  
Akira shook his head, “I’ll just pack, and get ready to go. Oh, maybe buy some snacks. I still have a lot of money leftover from mementos. And then we’ll go, just the two of us.”  
  
Goro looked at Akira, he was beaming.  
  
_You’re sickening._  
  
“You sure you won’t regret this? Don’t you want time to think?”  
  
“As long as it makes you happy, as long as we’re together. I don’t care about anything else.”  
  
Goro slowly nodded. He looked down at the table, his eye flicking between his shots. _I can’t look at you._  
  
He pulled back the stick and shot the cue forward. It sailed past the fourteen and bounced off the wall with enough force to come back and hit the eight ball, sinking it into the pocket early.  
  
“You lost!” Akira chuckled.  
  
Goro stood up straight.  
  
“It would seem so.”  
  
  
_But you haven’t won._  
  
  
**Feb 6/20XX  
**  
  
**Akira:** I’m on my way! **11:45 PM**  
  
**Me:** All right, I’ll see you soon. **11:46 PM  
**  
  
Goro had asked Akira to meet him at the station in Odaiba. He told Akira he wanted to look at the palace one last night. This was either a brilliant plan or the biggest mistake of his life.  
  
_It can’t be him.  
_  
“If this world is ideal…” He shifted the bag he packed in his hands. He didn’t have much. He didn’t need much. He just threw some clothes into his bag to make it look full, but the most important thing he needed was tucked into his coat. “Even if this world is ideal… This is for the best. He’s not right. It’s not right.”  
  
_This will fix it. This will fix him.  
_  
_Or end him.  
_  
Goro kept his eyes fixed upon the towering palace. To him its bright lights stood out against the night sky, but what few people on the streets paid it no mind.  
  
_Both are acceptable.  
_  
It was only visible to him.  
  
_It isn’t him._  
  
Maybe he was all that was left of the old world.  
  
It can’t be him.  
  
“Goro!” Akira came up to him at a hurried pace. His coast wrapped tightly around him to keep out the night air, and two bags in tow.  
  
“Akira, I’m glad you came.”  
  
Goro watched Akira’s face light up at the greeting. The street lights behind him gave off a hazy glow that drenched the world around them.  
  
_I know you’re not real.  
_  
_Do you know that I know?_  
  
“I told you… I would come with you.” Akira sighed and looked up at the palace. “I’m glad you’re giving up on it.”  
  
_Of course, you are.  
_  
“Oh?” Goro tried to keep his voice steady.

  
_I’ll be ending it soon._  
  
“…I don’t want you to die, Goro.” Akira looked back at him. “I want you to be here with me. I want us to be together.”  
  
_We aren’t together. You aren’t him.  
_  
_You’re something wrong._  
  
Goro looked down at the sidewalk before slowly nodding, “I know. I think we can be happy together.”  
  
Akira took a step toward him and reached out his hand to him.  
  
_I hate you.  
_  
Goro hesitated, but took his hand and squeezed. Akira squeezed back.  
  
_But I hate that doctor more.  
_  
“Let’s go.”  
  
“Yes. Let’s get this over with.”  
  
_Over.  
_  
Akira turned away from the palace and led Goro down the street back to the station.  
  
“So what’s the rehab center like?” Akira started questioning him. He was walking just a few steps ahead of Goro.  
  
_Gathering info? Stay focused.  
_  
Goro watched the back of Akira’s head as he spoke, “Oh, they have a few things to help you relax…”  
  
The back of his head looks so much like Akira’s.  
  
“There’s an indoor pool… The rooms are spacious. A hiking trail-”  
  
“What about baths?”  
  
_Did the doctor teach you that?_ “Yes, they have an onsen.” _I’d drown you in it._  
  
“It sounds like there’s plenty to help you unwind-” Akira turned to look back at Goro and smile.  
  
_I can’t stand to look at you._ Goro turned his head away. _Not like the first time._  
  
“Maybe after the rehab center, we should take a long vacation?” Akira stopped at the top of the stairs to the underground.  
  
_Not like that time either. A dual would be easier._  
  
_I’ve done this before. I can do it again._  
  
“I’ll make up my mind at the end of our stay,” Goro gently pulled his hand back. “I just need to fish out our tickets.” He nodded down the stairs. “I’ll follow you.”  
  
“All right,” Akira turned around, one bag over his shoulder and one in hand as he started talking.  
  
Goro watched his back, and for the third time, this week became acutely aware of his breathing.  
  
“You didn’t get to go to Destiny Land with us, so maybe a theme park-” _I’ve done this before. I can do it again._ He took a step down the stairs after Akira.  
  
Akira’s back remained in the center of his vision. Sharp and dark against the hazy fluorescent lights reflecting off the subway walls. _I looked him in the face before.  
The back should be simple.  
_  
Goro reached into his jacket and drew out his pistol.  
  
“Or maybe the beach? We’ll have to buy-” _You’re disgusting.  
  
More disgusting than before.  
  
_He continued to slowly walk down the steps after Akira.  
  
_No. You’re not even Akira anymore.  
_He kept his eyes focused on the back of his head.  
_You never were. Imposter._  
The growth of curly black locks.  
_You’re spineless. Something else. Someone else.  
_“-But that also means we need a car? I think I have enough left-over mementos cash to rent. But driving?”  
_Not Akira at all._ Akira’s voice echoed down the empty stairwell. It was just the two of them _.  
I can’t look at you. I can’t stand you. Imposter. But what if you’re just deluded? You won’t snap out of it.  
Akira.  
  
_Goro tightened the silencer on the end of the gun _.  
I tried talking to you. You’re weak. Again.  
_He took another step down and raised his gun.  
_I have to again. You’re empty. You’ve ruined us.  
_“Maybe we should just move outright. The country is kind of-” His arm was shaking.  
_Coward. Spineless. But what if you’re just under control? This will still fix it.  
This will still free you. You’re trapped. You’re worthless.  
_The lights overhead shined brighter, filling his vision with an unwanted bright haze.  
Do you _want me?  
Did I want this?  
You’re not even you. Imposter. It’s not real. I’ve done this before.  
_Akira’s prattling voice droned on.  
_He’s not Akira. I don’t want this._ Drowned out by the sound of Goro’s breathing.  
_It’s the only way to freedom. It was never Akira. Spineless. Weakling. I can do it.  
Coward._ Overcome by the sound of his heart beating in his ears _.  
I’ve done this all before. I hate you.  
I can do it again. I have to do it again.  
_Akira’s body was the only thing in focus.  
The rest of the world overlaid with a lie.  
_You’re not Akira. I hate that I have  
to do it again. I’m going to free you.  
You’re not you  
anymore. Someone.  
_Goro felt his finger on the trigger _.  
But what if you are you? I’m being manipulated.  
I hate you. Weakling.  
I hate this.  
_He had to get rid of Akira.  
_It’s not you. It’s not me.  
Akira wants me.  
_He had to get rid of it.  
_Do it Again. Again.  
Do it. Again.  
I hate. Again.  
It’s.This is  
the last time.  
Not. Coward.  
There was  
no more  
Akira. I  
can hate  
again.  
I can.  
Akira.  
A-  
_  
No more time to think about it.  
  
  
**Feb 7/20XX**  
  
Goro took a breath as Akira stopped talking.  
  
His body had lurched forward just as he approached the final step, and fell deftly on the subway’s tiled floor.  
  
Goro stood still, arm still outstretched as he gasped for air.  
  
He’d done it before.  
  
He did it again.  
  
He looked down at the body at the end of the stairs. At the hole in the back of its curled black locks. Watching as they slowly patched together with blood. Watching as red started to pool across the white subway tiles.  
  
He stood out so boldly, against his wavering vision. Against the watery hazy his tears were making in his eyes.  
  
Goro clenched his teeth and closed his eyes. The moment the first tear fell his heart lurched. It pulled with it his stomach, his lungs, and every internal organ that would even slightly jump.  
  
He barely had time to cover his mouth and stumble to lean over the railing of the stairs and vomit. Not that he had much to offer up other than bile and saliva. But he gave it freely.  
  
The only sounds he heard were those of his dry heaving. All his thoughts had stopped.  
  
He pulled back from the rail and looked down at the floor.  
  
There was more blood now.  
  
“It couldn’t have been him…” Goro’s knees buckled and he fell back onto the stairs to sit with a thud. “It wasn’t right…”  
  
He stared at the body. As if waiting for something.  
  
But nothing happened.  
  
No one even came through the subway to catch the last train.  
  
Was he wrong?  
  
His heart sped up.  
  
Was he wrong?  
  
Was it Akira?  
  
Goro managed to push himself to stand and slowly walked down the stairwell. As he approached the body, he thought of flipping it over. But instead just stood next to it. Looking down at what he had done.  
  
“…Did I finally succeed? After failing to kill you twice?” He pressed his lips together and felt his shoulders shake. A noise came from his lips. It sounded like laughter. But the accompanying tears indicated anything but. His lungs were burning as they competed with his stomach for control of his throat. His voice cracked and screamed out into the empty subway.  
  
But nothing happened.  
  
He backed away from Akira, his vision clouded with tears as he stumbled away from it. Groping along the walls gasping for air and letting his broken sobbing cries echo after him.  
  
Goro managed to stumble his way into a restroom. Men’s or women’s it didn’t matter. He stopped at the first sink he found and turned on the water so he could drench his face.

He dragged his soaking wet hands down over his eyes, nose, and mouth and stared ahead at his reflection.  
  
“You did it.” His shoulders shook. “I did it.”  
  
Goro leaned on the sink and stared into his reflection.  
  
“I hate you. I can’t stand to look at you. Traitor.”  
  
He stared back at the Goro in the mirror for a few minutes, letting the water run for who knows how long.  
  
  
Finally, Goro turned the faucet off. As he exited the bathroom, he contemplated throwing his gun away but ended up tucking it back into his jacket.  
  
He made his way back down the subway platform to where he’d left Akira’s body. He expected by now to see a security guard, or the police being summoned after someone saw the camera footage. But he was greeted with nothing.  
  
There was nothing.  
  
The body was gone.  
  
Goro stood at the bottom of the stairs looking at the clean, pristine tiles.  
  
No blood.  
  
No bags.  
  
No body.  
  
“…It was never Akira…” He whispered to himself, before feeling his lips twist up into a smile. Again, his lips parted, to let out a broken noise. But no tears. Just laughter.  
  
He tilted his head back and laughed. The same empty subway that played back his sobs now joined in his amusement.  
  
“Imposter! A Delusion!” Goro stomped on the ground where the body had been. “Spineless! Cowardly! Fake!” He continued to stomp on it as he screamed into the night.  
  
He hated himself for being tricked for so long. Of course, Akira didn’t betray him. Akira would never. But that was never Akira.  
  
Goro turned his attention up the stairs and hurried up to the street. His gaze whipped around the dimly lit streets as he hurried back to the entrance of the palace. Once there he stopped and stared up at Maruki’s facility; at the blight that stood out against the Tokyo skyline for him only.  
  
“Where is Akira?”  
  
As if Maruki would suddenly appear to give him the answer.  
  
“What did you do to him?”  
  
He knew no one would come.  
  
“ANSWER ME!”  
  
Goro continued to glare up at the palace before letting out a huff and turning away. He dug out his phone, ready to activate the navigation app and enter to ask Maruki directly, but hesitated.  
  
When was the last time he’d heard from Akira? He knew he saw him on the second. And they last texted on the third.  
  
Goro opened his messages and began to scroll through them.  
  
**Feb 3/20XX**  
  
**Me:** Where are you? **7:00 PM**  
  
**Akira:** I’m at home. I need to think. **7:20 PM**  
  
**Me:** You can’t be indecisive about this. If you won’t get the others together, I’ll go alone. **7:25 PM**  
  
“Then he never answered. It must be from that point that it was always the fake… But where is Akira?”  
  
Goro continued to scroll through rereading their interactions and trying to think back if the imposter had given him any clues.  
  
_“I want you.”_ No, that’s what Maruki thought I wanted…  
  
_“You’re important to me.”_ No. I’m important to the real thing. That’s why he had to think…  
  
_“Would we choose to let it go, willingly?”_ A fool like Maruki has no idea.  
  
Goro kept rereading the past few days. There had to be a pattern. The fake made sure to always take Goro to a place he liked. Catered to Goro’s needs. Tried to appeal to his desires.  
  
He was so stupid to not pick up on it before.  
  
An Akira made to keep him compliant.  
  
But where was Akira?  
  
**Feb 4/20XX**  
  
**Me:** I’ll come to Leblanc. **10:50 AM**  
  
**Akira:** No, I think it would be better if we meet elsewhere. Boss, Futaba, and Wakaba are hanging out here today. Wakaba and Boss are talking about some remodeling for the booths. New upholstery. 10:55 AM **  
**  
Goro reread the message.  
  
**Akira:** No, I think it would be better if we meet elsewhere.  
  
He checked the next day’s messages.  
  
**Feb 4/20XX**  
  
**Me:** Fine. I’ll come to Leblanc. 9:21 PM **  
**  
**Akira:** No, not Leblanc. Ann and Shiho are going to be here helping Futaba with a new hairstyle for her return to high school. Let’s meet up at the arcade. **9:22 PM**  
  
And the next…  
  
**Feb 5/20XX  
**  
**Me:** Fine. I can swing by Leblanc. 12:32 AM **  
**  
**Akira:** No, Yusuke and-  
  
Goro scrolled back up to his last conversation with the real Akira.  
  
**Feb 3/20XX**  
  
**Me:** Where are you? 7:00 PM **  
**  
**Akira:** I’m at home. I need to think. 7:20 PM **  
**  
  
“At home…” Goro squeezed the phone in his hands. The only thing keeping him from breaking it was his common sense. “He never left Leblanc.”  
  
Goro looked up at the palace. Glaring up at the doctor he knew had to be watching him. Had to be deciding what to do about the one that wouldn’t bow down to his lies. He had been angry at Akira for his hesitation. But he was much more upset with Maruki for sending him an Akira made of saccharine smiles to mask the blinding haze of his illusionary world.  
  
He stuffed the phone in his pocket. The palace could wait. He needed to get to Leblanc and get Akira out of whatever trap he was in.  
  
There was no need to think about it.  
  



End file.
